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Would have died to be a ballerina

Schedules Pima Community College classes for son who will be 18 soon

Wears green and black striped socks 

Helicopters hover overhead (even on Wednesday nights)

Eats first Whataburger hamburger

Meets a Bangladeshi boy

Considers law school

Gets super fat

Gets even fatter

Gets married for first time

MC, age 6

MC, age 40

MC, age 40

MC, age 40

MC, age 8

MC, age 22

MC, age 27

MC, age 18

MC, age 37

MC, age 12


Question: How much does a Vitamix cost?
Answer: $539.00
How much does rent on Blacklidge for a 2-bedroom apartment cost?
Answer: $525.00/month
How much does the children’s Best Interest Attorney cost?
Answer: $275.00/hour
How much does inpatient rehab cost?
Answer: $110.00/hour or $4,000 for 3 months/3x/week
How much do Chippers from Panera cost?
Answer: 6 for $1.00
How many texts are included in MC’s Verizon plan?
Answer: Unlimited
How much do 1000 thread-count sheets cost?
Answer: $39.99 (from the Swap Meet), $129.99 (from Bed, Bath, and Beyond)
How much does MC’s tropical ice tea from Beyond Bread cost?
Answer: $1.70
How much dealing does it take before THEY are caught?
Answer: Unsure


1.1.1. A muddy black-brown.
1.1.2. The man tells MC that the man will not watch porn for a full 7 days.
1.1.3. It is Friday now.
1.1.4. Sunday comes soon.
1.1.5. MC changes shape,
1.1.6. MC’s skull is exposed.
1.1.7. MC’s feet are shown to the world.
1.1.8. MC’s skirt flows behind as MC whirling dervishes
1.1.9. —through the rooms of trans.
1.1.10. Curiosities, intrigue, a she-male, goat fucking.
1.1.11. Porn, MC says. Porn, MC repeats.
1.1.12. MC: a dancer. MC: a walker. MC: a pacer.
1.1.13. The man wears a Chicago Bulls t-shirt
1.1.14. What if MC puts down the paper?
1.1.15. What if MC puts down the fingers?
1.1.16. This troubles MC.
1.1.17. We can’t fuck (up), right?
1.1.18. A line between this-and-that and that-and-this
1.1.19. MC re-questions
1.1.20. It sounds like a knife scratching the little beads
1.1.21. —of the Guatemalan bracelet bought in Parque Central
1.1.22. —when MC bed a man Oscar while MC was still wed
1.1.23. If only MC didn’t have cottage cheese knees.
1.1.24. In MC’s bathroom, MC smells a dead mouse.
1.1.25. MC finds the mouse next to the plunger —on top of the brown cleaning rag —behind the drain
1.1.26. If only MC didn’t have cottage cheese knees. 


Note: MC is homeless
Note, Note: MC is childless
Note: MC is motherless
Note: MC is furniture-less
Note: MC’s stepdad is dead
Note: MC’s grandma is dead
Note: Latka is missing (MC thinks a coyote ate Latka.)
Note: Li’lGuy was given away (((The story is still too painful for MC to tell.)))
Note: Where the fuck is the file cabinet with the file folder labeled
“Tucson Electric Power?”
Note: Katie, MC’s pillow, is lost
Note: Jamal, Katie’s boyfriend, can’t be found
Note: Verizon wiped 1000s of MC’s phone #s from MC’s Droid
Note: 24/7 Computer Help on Campus erased all those important files
(Starting over, MC. Starting over. Power off. Restart.)
Note: Trader Joe’s high protein Tofu was rancid 3x in a row
Note: Trader Joe’s reimbursed MC for 2 of the 3x
Note: MC’s Spray & Go is almost sprayed out
Note: The Vitamix blender purchase was completely unnecessary
Note to Self: MC fears MC is going back to MC’s former self
Note to Self: MC’s questions power and whether the power to buy is power indeed
Note to Self: MC desires buying big bad things that make MC happy?
Note to Self: MC knows MC cannot walk back into Bed, Bath, and Beyond
Note to Self: MC needs to continue to shop at Food City, 99 Cent Only Store, and Ross
Note to Self: MC’s bumblebee patterned dress from Ross looks terrible on neighbor
Note to Self: MC’s grey sleeveless dress from Ross looks terrible on other neighbor
Note to Self: Maybe MC should stop shopping at Ross.
Note to Self: Maybe MC should discontinue dress purchases altogether.
26 Tamara amara MC
MC is still searching for MC’s store.
MC needs new dresses.
MC is still searching for MC’s power.

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