One week in 2016 when I was 44, I decided why not get an MFA. Even though I already had an MA in English as a Second Language and a PhD in Applied Linguistics and was full-time faculty, I applied to Columbia University’s creative writing program, and let the gods decide. If I got in, I was meant to go. If I didn’t, I wasn’t meant to get the illustrious blusterous degree. I had one option—study writing in New York City, the heart and soul of the literary world, or not study writing at all. It was all or nothing, New York City or bust, so I didn’t apply to other schools. I was both shocked and thrilled when I received my acceptance into Columbia.

I gave up my position at the university where I taught English, said a teary goodbye to Arizona’s heat, and hopped on an airplane to the land of broken dreams and unaffordable rents. At 44, I became a master’s student again.

ℹ️ Key Information

• Incident Type: Financial Fantasy Meets Reality Check

• Severity: Titanic (As in, “Iceberg right ahead!”)

👪 Team

• Incident Lead: Tamara MC, Overly Optimistic Writer (OOP)

• Inactive Participants: The Columbia University Illuminati

⏳ Durations

• Program Duration: 2 years of existential dread and financial ruin

• Debt Duration: Forecasted at 20 years, though eternity is not off the table

The Breakdown

• Direct Costs: $79,417 

• Indirect Costs, including housing and books: $35,814

• Total: $115,231/year x 2 years = $230,462 (but most will stay for 4 years, so multiply that by 4, though the tuition does decline Years 3 and 4)

Loan Calculator

Based on the student loan calculator, in 20 years at 6.8%, I will repay my loan, but this means I’ll have payments of $1,908.35/month, and by the end, I’ll have paid a whopping $458,003.72, assuming I make all my payments, blah blah blah.

In 2037, I will be 67 years old and able to receive 100% of my social security benefits. 

🔗 Important Links

·  💬 I Paid How Much? Columbia’s Tuition Breakdown

·  🌐 Will I Ever Be Debt-Free? Student Loan Calculator

Incident Timeline

Contributors

Mitigators

Alternative Universe: What If

Smarter Moves: Could’ve gone for cheaper, less soul-crushing options like:

• Grub Street’s Memoir Incubator or StoryStudio Chicago’s Memoir in a Year program

• Writing accountability partner

• Personal writing retreat (You book the Airbnb)

• Take a Domestika writing class with Courtney Maum

• Read The Situation and Story by Vivian Gornick

• Listen to Ronit Plank’s Let’s Talk Memoir podcast

• Visit cafés while drinking lavender lattes

Learnings and Risks

Follow-up Actions

• Lobby for a “Truth in Advertising” campaign for MFA programs: Ensure they include warnings like “May cause severe debt and existential angst.” Or “Come for the poetry, stay for the poverty!”

•  Financial Planning Seminars for Dreamers: Start a seminar series on managing finances for those who think ‘starving artist’ is just a metaphor. It’s a lifelong plight when you accrue Columbia University MFA debt.

Key Takeaways

I don’t regret much, but going into debt for an MFA is one of my regrets. I don’t know how or if I’ll ever pay it off— the stress it causes is something no one needs. 

That being said, I also got a lot from my experience. When I get hellbent on something, I have to do it, and that’s what I did with Columbia. I needed to experience being a writer in New York City at Columbia. Was it what the books and movies cracked it up to be? No. But was it something I had to experience? Yes. 

My family came over as refugees to New York City but moved away right before my birth. I spent my childhood visiting NYC with my mom. I also dreamed of living there one day, and my time at Columbia allowed me to go back and experience what my family might’ve experienced in the cold winters or the fall with the leaves falling. 

Parts of my memoir take place in the Upper West Side, where my mother worked as a waitress at the West End Bar, where Beat poets like Jack Kerouac hung out. I could return to the places my family frequented and write about them using my body. For this, I’m grateful I had the opportunity to live in New York. 

When we have a dream to be a writer, we’ll do almost anything to get there. That was the case with me. I was willing to do almost anything, so I could call myself “writer.” So, I guess it is like in the books and the movies– a romantic notion that propels us forward to attain our artistic dreams. Actors go to LA. Writers go to New York. 

Yesterday, I had a double whammy: I received an offer from a publisher for my academic book on teaching poetry to ESL students and an offer of representation from a literary agent. It was a great day, indeed. Being a writer takes time and patience. I began that book about 7 years ago, and only now, did I get external validation. 

I could be angry at my degree, but I’m not. I’m grateful for all my experiences– good and bad because they got me to where I am today and tomorrow and so on. I just wish I didn’t need an MFA to make me think that I was worthy of being a writer. We’re all worthy, just the way we are, with or without a degree, titles, or accouterments. 

We don’t ever have to prove ourselves. 

Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with us when we are determined to get an MFA– there is something wrong with the system. The system is set up to make us fail, so we should beat ourselves up less and fight against the system more. 

Recommendations:

• 90 Day Fiancé: My mom got me into watching 90 Day Fiancé, and now I’m hooked. At the end of a long writing day, I flop into bed and turn on my favorite show. Nothing makes you feel better about yourself or life than watching an episode of Jasmine and Gino arguing for the umpteenth time. 90 Day Fiancé truly is the greatest contraception against feeling bad you’re not dating.

• Check your passport’s expiration TODAY: I haven’t traveled internationally since the pandemic, so I haven’t needed my passport, but I just went to check it and found it’s expired. You can rush passport delivery, but the price doubles, and who needs the stress? While you’re at, also check the expiration of your car registration (I learned this from experience, too). 

• Oh, and VERY important, make sure your Driver’s License is upgraded to a Travel ID. Starting May 2025, you won’t be able to travel domestically with your regular DL. I can’t begin to imagine the chaos this is going to cause. 

• Gummy Vitamins: I still chew my daily vitamins rather than swallow them. Even though, I’m past my childbirth years, I also still take prenatals, since they have folic acid. Lately, I’ve been taking NatureMade Prenatal Gummies. I also take Hair, Skin, & Nails Gummies by Nature’s Bounty that I buy at Costco when they’re on sale. I use them as my dessert after a meal. 

• I just wrote an article on this for SLATE, but I definitely recommend black, decaf coffee. 

• Trader Joe’s Crunchy Chili Onion condiment makes everything taste better. I love the crunch and umami base. I add it to rice, burritos, hummus, to just about anything. I don’t like the oil in it, so I used to spill it out, but now I have a new hack, I use the oil to cook my tofu in– so I don’t waste it. I get a nice red color and chili flavor. 

• And lastly, know you are perfect, just the way you are, with or without an MFA. You’re not to blame. The system is to blame.